Mixed Emotions

I think i am happy now, everything is going well. I have friends and i am no longer so alone. People...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 23:41:15 -0400

I think i am happy now, everything is going well. I have friends and i am no longer so alone. People are beginning to understand me and i am beginning to accept that not everyone has a reason to be my friend other than the fact that they like me. I see now that my pain was just my stupid mind playing tricks on me. Things are good. I’m scared though, things are too good. My mind is clouding over again. My suicidal thoughts are coming back. But i know this time that i have everything to live for and nothing to die for, not anymore. I will not do it. I will not try once again to yake my own life. I am safe from myself at last. I hope…

I realized something today. Something that made me think. I saw a girl. I usedd to know her. I used...

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 04:08:01 -0500

I realized something today. Something that made me think. I saw a girl. I usedd to know her. I used to trade bracelets and necklaces with her that said best friends forever. Today we looked at each other and acted as if we had never met… The sad part is we were best friends for 12 years thats0most of my life. All that is forgotten. Its like. Shes forgotten about me. I kinda miss her. But I haven’t spoken to her in 3 years. I realize that forever doesn’t really last

Im just talking to myself. Noone can hear me. Noone can see me. This makes me wonder… Do I...

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 15:54:26 -0500

Im just talking to myself. Noone can hear me. Noone can see me. This makes me wonder… Do I really exist? Do the people who supposedly care about me know ‘me’ or is it just my shell they like. Im lost. Not wanting to be found but at the same time hoping someone will save me. Anyone. Because its dark down here. Its cold and scary… And anything you say might conjure up a flood of tears from my eyes… That is if there are any left.

I can’t sleep. Yet I am not awake.

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 05:16:48 -0400

I can’t sleep. Yet I am not awake.

Everyone should just smile, smile at strangers, people who look lonely. Brighten someone’s...

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 04:58:51 -0400

Everyone should just smile, smile at strangers, people who look lonely. Brighten someone’s day. Just because you have the power.

Is anybody listening? I feel so alone

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 04:52:25 -0400

Is anybody listening? I feel so alone

Can I live? Or am I just alive? Do I truly have a heart or am I heartless? Im lost in my own lies,...

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 04:45:35 -0400

Can I live? Or am I just alive? Do I truly have a heart or am I heartless? Im lost in my own lies, who am I? I don’t know anymore.

Im stuck in a huge empty void of defeat, anything can set me off, I am constantly in tears. It...

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 04:39:25 -0400

Im stuck in a huge empty void of defeat, anything can set me off, I am constantly in tears. It doesn’t help to know that what made me cry is absurd. Not at all. Im weak and broken. Not worth anyone’s time

This is all getting so overwhelming, everything is pushing on me telling me where to go, but im...

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 04:35:46 -0400

This is all getting so overwhelming, everything is pushing on me telling me where to go, but im lost, confused, I have no direction. It’s like im in a movie and im not allowed to improvise, I have a script that’s all I can say, speaking my mind is out of the question, im a puppet with several masters all tugging and pulling making my strings all tangled, im trapped.

The other day this girl died. She was 12. She died of meningitis. I never heard of her before she...

Mon, 10 Sep 2012 03:38:53 -0400

The other day this girl died. She was 12. She died of meningitis. I never heard of her before she died but now everyone is talking about her. It’s made me start thinking… Until you did you are just a blip in someone’s life but when you die suddenly everyone cares about you. Everyone knew you. When you die you are suddenly important. It’s absurd. This girl was feeling fine at 3:30 but by 6 she was dead. It’s so sad… She had so much more life to live. But it’s all gone now. If I died would people care? I guess. Girls would be she was in my class. People would be I swam with her. I sat next to her. I talked to her. I bullied her. I knew her. But would anyone really truly give a fuck? I don’t know. Maybe someone I didnt even know liked me would feel that heartwrenching loss . Or someone I loved. But the truth is. Everybody cares. EVERYBODY.

Even if they don’t know you, they still think they know what you’ve been through…...

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 16:43:37 -0400

Even if they don’t know you, they still think they know what you’ve been through… even if they have never met you, they still think its okay to hate you, and tell you to kill yourselves. Hiding behind a screen doesn’t change anything, and eventually everyone’s gonna have to face reality.

The cold thin blade slid effortlessly across her pale white skin, leaving a trail of pain and...

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 01:39:49 -0400

The cold thin blade slid effortlessly across her pale white skin, leaving a trail of pain and despair. the knife, retracing the well worn path it had cut so many times before was pressed deep into the soft flesh of her wrists. she paused, looking at the art she had created. watching in wonder as small drops of red began to well up and drip down her arm, so much like the tears falling down her face. Her eyes followed the path of the droplet, entranced by the color, fascinated by its unexpected beauty and she wanted more she began to cut with a purpose and more droplets began to roll as she continued putting her pain into the knife. her unblemished forearm was dripping with blood creating grotesque tattoos. she new that she shouldn’t do it, she had stopped for so long but her despair overtook her desire to fit in and her once perfect skin was torn to shreds. she could no longer remember what it felt like to love, all her feelings left her and she was reduced to nothing but a wreck. a hollow shell that once belonged to a bright happy girl now replaced by the demons in her head. She stared at the red streaks of blood, noticing how they ran along her violet veins, all she could think was, they are the first and last colors of the rainbow. the beginning and end. how reversed in thier positions are she laughed bitterly violet now marking life red now marking defeat.

Getting so lost that even reality itself has become a dream. No. Not a dream but a cold dark...

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 01:12:00 -0400

Getting so lost that even reality itself has become a dream. No. Not a dream but a cold dark nightmare. A torn up warped vision blurred by not only the constraints of society but our own dutiful selves. When will this end? When will our minds stop wreaking havoc in this barren planet. Even at the end will we stop? Or will our power crazed fantasies lead us off the edge of humanity itself and into an empty void so many of us already call home.

It will get better won’t it?

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 01:10:53 -0400

It will get better won’t it?

There is no one in the world that understand you but yourself.

Wed, 08 Aug 2012 00:27:42 -0400

There is no one in the world that understand you but yourself.

there is nothing worse than realizing that you have become the second option. the second best. the...

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 03:11:20 -0400

there is nothing worse than realizing that you have become the second option. the second best. the one who is only chosen when the better options are taken. its like everything has been taken from you and thrown away. if that happened to you how would you deal with it? i cant, there’s no use. i could never make it back to the top. its over. i have officially lost the only friend i ever trusted, everyone leaves. eventually. no matter what. they forget about you.

xoxo

That girl

i guess its time to tell you that i may just be a tad bit crazy. xoxo That girl

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 05:17:15 -0400

i guess its time to tell you that i may just be a tad bit crazy.

xoxo

That girl

My mind has come to a complete stop. i cant think i cant do. anything. my fingers are moving like...

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 05:54:19 -0400

My mind has come to a complete stop. i cant think i cant do. anything. my fingers are moving like zombies across the keyboard and my mind is like on dial up or something. my parents are going mad. my older sister is just crazy. i think my whole family is fucked… well thats me for today :)

xoxo

That girl

I’m really not in the mood for writing, it seems like these days everyone is just leaving me...

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 04:37:53 -0400

I’m really not in the mood for writing, it seems like these days everyone is just leaving me behind. It’s like I dont belong in the same world as my friends so they are deciding to leave me behind.

well...

Sun, 22 Jul 2012 05:59:11 -0400

I wish we could turn back time, not to change things because that would just fuck things up… but i wish we could go back to the happier moments and see that yes, we all were once like this, it is not impossible if we have done it before, just to relive the happiest moments of our lives so far. I think that when we are young is the best time of all, we didn’t worry about the past or the future we lived in the now. This was before we started worrying about coloring inside the lines and writing within the box this was where we were truly us. before people made the decision to change the way we think the way we act. i want to be a little girl again beyond the point where i wished i could be a “big girl” if the world was ruled by 5 year old girls and boys I’m pretty damn sure we would be in a better place.

xoxo

That girl